Random thoughts
I am a little too preoccupied at the moment with something which will be decided in a few months time:- my curacy. I think the problem is down to two things.
1) I like to plan and be in control of my life and I know that instead I must leave this to God and trust him to lead all those who are involved in the discernment of where, who, which etc. to get it right.
2) I am just plain excited and can't wait to find out where it is that we as a family will be sent! What kind of community will it be? Rural or Urban? What kind of church? What will the Vicar be like? Will it be Evangelical enough for me but still accept my ministry as a female? What will our new home be like (also linked to the feminine part of me I suspect)...and so it goes on, like a swirling whirlpool of thoughts and preoccupations...
All I can actually do though is pray and wait and trust....It is at times like this when I wish I was more spiritual...
4 comments:
I'm interested in what you are saying. How much control do you have over where you are sent? Do you have to live where you are a curate ie in that village/part of town? Do you have to take the curacy house or could you live ina house near by of your own choice if you were paying the mortgage on it and saving the church the rent on a curacy house ie could you say no to their offer of accomodation.
God be with you in it all - which he is! I'm probably asking all the wrong questions because as you hint it's about giving up control rather than hanging on to it but I'm not quite in your position yet so just full of rather frank and practical questions.
love Rachel
If you are a stipendiary curate it is usual to live in church accomodation, (and almost always once you are a Vicar). I think a church would be open to suggestions and help with accomodation if a curate were in a position to do so although they would want the curate to live in the parish, I think. Non stipendiary curates live in their own homes and are therefore assigned to churches nearby, but not necesarily in the actual parish.
Placing you happens as follows: The diocese have a list of curacies and look at the curates from their diocese who are going to be ordained. This happens around 15 months prior to ordination in our diocese but varies across the country. I will be ordained in June/July 2010, so the time is fast approaching! I will hear from the DDO and either go to see him or speak on the phone about a potential parish. I will be given a parish profile and encouraged to go and look at the parish, but of course the parish (and particularly the incumbent) will be looking at me too! We then will both have to make a decision after spending time together and going away and committing it to prayer. If one of us doesn't believe that this is God's will then the whole thing starts again with another parish. So in answer to your question: You do have control, but can only look at one parish at a time and the parish can ony look at one curate...eliminating comparisons. i know of some ordinands who looked at three parishes before finding the right one. However, as I intimated, it is really God doing the choosing, I have to perfect the act of listening to God...and being patient. A part of me loves the uncertainty though! It's very exciting, but I'm a bit like a kid waiting for Christmas presents, enjoying the tension, but wanting to know what's in the package!!
Okay - wow - i've got lots to think about then - I see my DDO on Feb 27th. I'm only having that very first conversation but I'm wondering how ready I am to give over the control - it's the idea of leaving our home and friends and my sending church and the children's school - are my family really prepared for what might be a big change potentially? I guess I've got a lot of praying and talking to do.
If you feel in turmoil and find that one minute you are very excited by the whole idea and the next absolutely terrified, don't worry, because it is totally normal and the experience of myself and quite a few others I know of in the same boat...If Ordination is right for you, then God will ultimately take you to the right parish for you and that includes your family too. It's about resting in God and truly, truly trusting him...The DDO and national selectors do the deciding, you need to push the door by going forward and laying yourself open to the whole process, not easy, but the alternative is to ignore the call which I am told is nye on impossible if it is real!! Go for it and just let God....who better to be in charge than him??
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