Apologies for my silence. This has been caused by the sheer busyness of life as a curate in a three parish benefice and not through lack of interest.

It is sufficient to say that I am loving my curacy and can't quite believe that I get to do this job every day. The work is varied and exciting, the people lovely and supportive and the surrounding are beautiful.

However, being a deacon is most definitely not just a 'job'; it is a calling. All of the stuff I wrestled with during discernment about 'being' and not just 'doing' is becoming clearer and is making more sense every day.

The fact is that as an Ordained person, you are there to 'be there' for people. You are there to help them to develop in their relationship with God and you are there to help them pick up the pieces when things go wrong. Sometimes it is enough to just be at an event, to show your presence. At other times we are called to celebrate and rejoice with those we meet. Sometimes it is necessary to be present prayerfully, physically and verbally at the most difficult and emotional times such as when a loved one has died. These can be both the most special times and in a way the most awkward, just because in our British culture one would normally not gate-crash into peoples lives as a stranger at such a time. This is also why it is such a privilege; to be welcomed with open arms by strangers and given the opportunity to minister to them at such a turning point in their experience.

Of course Jesus is our blueprint. He shows us how to just 'be'. That doesn't mean he didn't 'do' anything, but he was a presence, a light and a pointer to the Father and his love. Jesus was available to others...sometimes it was enough for him just to be there, at others he made the celebration even more exciting - like at the wedding in Cana. At other times he went out of his way to actively teach the people about God and at others he became involved with the most private and painful moments in the lives of those who would let him.

More and more I am aware that he is my Lord, my role model, my friend....I want to be like him. I have a long, long way to go, but I hope that I continue to love the calling he has given me, the people he has sent me to and that I can be a help to those I serve.